MP's expenses well spent

By Guy Kennaway
Posted: 2010/05/16

GUY KENNAWAY mourns the end of a political era and the fate of his neighbour's glorious garden

NOW THE dust has settled on the election and the Conservatives have swept, or rather crept, to power, please spare a thought for a Tory MP who didn't make the cut and whom I have special reason to thank: David Heathcoat-Amory, the former member for Wells. He was the man who claimed rather a lot of expenses for his garden, you may remember. Normally that would barely penetrate my consciousness but in this case it directly affected me, as I live right next to his constituency home near Glastonbury in Somerset and have benefited hugely from the delights of this fantastic horticultural triumph.

I have watched over the past three years, from my bedroom window and the far corner of my front lawn, the most magnificent garden blossom and bloom. There are blazing borders near the late 18th-century grey stone house, a knot garden under trained apple trees, striped lawns, a path over a waterfall, and a further few wilder acres going up the hill on the other side of the river. It is plant perfection and indisputably adds beauty to our corner of the village and, I may add, value to my own home.

Around about this time last year I noticed a flotilla of TV trucks and photographers leaning over Mr Heathcoat-Amory's wall to take pictures of his garden. I thought he and his wife Linda must have won some kind of gardening competition but luckily I glanced at the newspapers before I rang to congratulate them.

For there, plastered across the pages, was the apparent shame of the MP who had charged the taxpayer for 550 sacks of horse manure, £2 for mouse poison and £1.95 for sunflower seeds, and the list went on, totalling £30,000.

Mr Heathcoat-Amory paid back every penny but for a brief period his garden was the most famous in Britain, more written about even than Sissinghurst, and you had to admit that, pound for pound, it was also better value. Sissinghurst costs us millions, this one a mere 30 grand (and that was only a loan, as it turned out). Also, compared to the vulgarity of the duck house, the pomposity of the moat and the banality of the boyfriend's dry-rot treatment in Southampton, the Heathcoat-Amorys' garden was a delight and a credit to the expenses scandal.

THE COUPLE transformed their garden with taste and culture and patience and hard work. I used to sneak in and trespass on the well-rolled lawns when they were in London and revel in its tranquillity.

When the scandal broke and the manure hit the fan, I sometimes thought I was the only one left who appreciated the place. It was the cause of great anxiety to its owners and the Tory Party, and an object of hatred to everyone else.

What was once a pride and joy became this shameful thing that could not be mentioned, even to its owners. Whenever I spoke to David over my garden railings I had to make sure I kept well away from the subject of expenses.

I looked for a neutral subject, and what more harmless thing to talk about than gardening?

It was a mistake I repeated at least twice, forgetting that it was absolutely taboo.

Meanwhile, the shamed garden continued to look amazing. I used to think that it must have been excited by the attention that it got from the media and confused when it suddenly lost its admirers, as the political garden parties and general walks around the place dried up.

During the election it was used against Heathcoat-Amory, who had represented the constituency of Wells for 27 years, ruthlessly and effectively.

Pictures of his two-storey home with Roman roof tiles, three upper gables and scrolled door knob, as well as his garden, were rarely off the front page of the local newspaper.

The election was a close-run thing; a recount went on until dawn. When I saw my friend and his wife a few days later he looked relieved it was all over but I bless the old expenses system every day from my bedroom window.

Now I learn that the Old Etonian may be selling up. If he does, it will give a new meaning to the term gardening leave. I very much doubt the next person to own his house will lay on such a sumptuous view for me, or keep house prices quite so high in our corner of the village.